CONFESSION

Doctor, I need to confess a secret

Hidden among many layers

Of fake smiles and dry tears

I need to know if I am okay

There are times when the world

Seems to turn upside down

The walls crumble and people intrude

They don’t respect my privacy

Or the fact that I am a recluse

They come closer till I’m suffocated

My mind feels as if its about to burst

How can I stop this?

Criticism, is difficult to digest

Though I am used to being loathed and cursed

For I have known nothing beyond that

I do not wish to blame

But won’t hide the responsibility

Which rests on my family for being so

I can’t remember being loved or adored at home

But when the same dislike

Comes from an outside

It tears my heart apart

And wrecks my concentration

Not only do my eyes drown in tears of self-pity

But the nerves stop functioning as well

My hands freeze and drop things

I cannot co-ordinate myself

The feeling of crumbling becomes real

Too real, I’m afraid

How can I stop this?

The poison of guilt flows through me

A guilt devoid of reason

Maybe of the failure tattooed on my fate

Or maybe because life seems like a drag

And everyday is a new torture

I desperately hold on to the things that keep me alive

And yet, the worth of myself remains invisible

I am scared to look over the past
And ponder on my doings

The conclusion might over-whelm me

The fear, how can I escape it?

How can I stop this?

My head feels heavy

My skin burns

My stomach churns

My vision blurs

I feel I have had too much to take for once

Doctor, will I die?