Tuesday, February 21, 2012

CONFESSION


Doctor, I need to confess a secret
Hidden among many layers
Of fake smiles and dry tears
I need to know if I am okay

There are times when the world
Seems to turn upside down
The walls crumble and people intrude
They don’t respect my privacy
Or the fact that I am a recluse
They come closer till I’m suffocated
My mind feels as if its about to burst
How can I stop this?

Criticism, is difficult to digest
Though I am used to being loathed and cursed
For I have known nothing beyond that
I do not wish to blame
But won’t hide the responsibility
Which rests on my family for being so
I can’t remember being loved or adored at home
But when the same dislike
Comes from an outside
It tears my heart apart
And wrecks my concentration
Not only do my eyes drown in tears of self-pity
But the nerves stop functioning as well
My hands freeze and drop things
I cannot co-ordinate myself
The feeling of crumbling becomes real
Too real, I’m afraid
How can I stop this?

The poison of guilt flows through me
A guilt devoid of reason
Maybe of the failure tattooed on my fate
Or maybe because life seems like a drag
And everyday is a new torture
I desperately hold on to the things that keep me alive
And yet, the worth of myself remains invisible
I am scared to look over the past
And ponder on my doings
The conclusion might over-whelm me
The fear, how can I escape it?
How can I stop this?

My head feels heavy
My skin burns
My stomach churns
My vision blurs
I feel I have had too much to take for once
Doctor, will I die?

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